i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
