I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
