walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
should my penis look like a turkey
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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