oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
