Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
