k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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