Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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