I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
