Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
