You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
