words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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