My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I want her autograph on my taint
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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