its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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