yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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