I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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