Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
