She said her name was "party"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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