Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
