WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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