after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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