We just shotgunned beers for America
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
