so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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