i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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