My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
