I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
foreskin is a definite game changer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
