just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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