cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
a search helicopter?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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