Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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