he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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