I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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