I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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