i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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