dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
