K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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