You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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