She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
