I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
