highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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