do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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