I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
