Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
