vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
