He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
