Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
