Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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