I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
