Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
