I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
