Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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