farters have to be the big spoon...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the liver wants what the liver wants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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