I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
