so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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