you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My dick has a subreddit
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
