yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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