she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
