Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
