I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
