we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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