either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
