Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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