i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
