he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
