My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize