apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
